Rocky Ridge

How delicate hope is
That when found on sand
It quickly contacts rock bottom

The sand lays by the countless
Each spec a previously thought stability
From great to grain, due to waves persistence

Complexity to avoid erosion lies with one rock
Many claim the structural soundness boldly
Only to slowly alter wave after wave 

Upon that stable rock lies diverse comfort
That overwhelms the hope of the heart
Take it from rock bottom to firm foundation

The Story of a Toy

This is a tangible life, not a story of toys from your youth
I feel as a collectors item, stored and conveniently placed on the top shelf
Till a time that's proper and fitting, to be brushed off and the cob webs removed

I'm inclined to wonder if your glance has digressed
From up on the top shelf, I'd say your lines are meshed
I'm happy to remain unshelfed, but my inquiry still stands
Do you confuse Pinocchio with a real boy?

The propagated waves that hit me say "Do not open, collectors item"
Now my nose would surely grow if I didn't openly admit
My time up high on the shelf has a more acute angle than I'd prefer
And I can't decided just yet, with confidence, "you've forgotten"

And yet, the life persistently passes our of my patient position on the shelf
Whether you'll like it or not, I'm not sure and doubt you see the effects
But I'm phasing and its become hazy am I real to you or just a toy?
Was I convienent for a time; I'm unsure, but perfectly still I lie
Keep in mind that dust accumulates on neglected things, be it a toy or a boy

The unknown void

The unknown void

This man understands what he wants and wants what he understands

His hands, steady; His feet, firm; His mind, perplexed beyond the dilemma

One eye infatuated with the poison

One eye aware of the illuminated gun

His hands fail to form the shape of how his heart has been broken 

Not equal mirroring pieces, but different shapes, volumes, and parts

The void between the two choices is filled with his dichotomized thoughts

He hopes to move past his fractured situation

That by sloughing off the old anatomy, he might graze greener grass

So, with his feet planted in patience, he pauses 

Acknowledges this spectrum of unknown animosity,

And to his lack of understanding he tells stories of what he knows firmly

Stories of neither poison, nor bullets, but of a beautiful, wait-worthwhile heart

That when joined with his, will shed vision to this unknown

Fear, Pride, and Thankfullness

I don't really know how to intro into this, but I guess I'll just take a stab at it.

There are two things that take my focus off of God: fear and pride. I've grown up hearing about the "fear of the Lord" ,but never really understanding what it means. I think it is best to understand what it means to fear God, and then branch off to the two categories I mentioned earlier. Fearing God is attitude of reverence and honor towards the creator who has been more loving, patient, merciful, and faithful than I ever thought. In some aspects it is recognition of his amazing power.

            "If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
            And treat those two impostors just the same" Rudyard Kipling "If"

I really like this section of the poem because it points out two things that are frauds in life. Life isn't about the triumph that you've accomplished, and it certainly shouldn't be consumed by the disasters that have happened. The peace of God comes when you don't put your confirmation and identity in the accolades that you have accumulated. It says in the bible that God opposes the pride. It is easy to see why. Picture someone that you have given all possible necessities in life to, bless them with provisions of food, shelter, friends, and on top of that a relationship that cost you the death of a loved one. Now picture that person turning to someone else, and taking credit for everything that you have given them.

The other side of the coin is fearing the disasters that come every single day. Fear is anything that I view too problematic for myself and in turn for God. In some ways fear is a lack of identity as a child of God. It makes me sad when I'm going through a difficult situation or moment in time where I doubt God's ability to take me through it or to provide what I need. It elicits this feeling because I've forgotten of all the things he has walked with me through before. I've found out your definition of what you need to deal with something and God's definition are not the same. It is easy to trust in God when you can break away from your problems be it school, relationships, or family problems. But something about trusting God through a hellish situation is so sweet (not like the bro "sweet", but like the honey sweet). Remember that God is teaching you and disciplining you to fear him above your circumstances. 

So there's my 2 cents. I guess I'll wrap this up with a story?

So about two weeks ago was when everything hit the fan at the same time. For about two or three weekend straights I had had no weekends to relax, and barely any time to break from school. I was finishing off my three weeks of tests with a physics test on Friday, and genetics test on Monday and I was worried about how in the world I would maintain any of this.  On top of this, the girl I had been interested in for a sizable amount of time wanted to talk. So I finished my physics test and the next day I was going to meet with my friend and talk. (I wanted to skip over, but I also want to properly display what was going on in my mind). I'll leave the girl unnamed. So we meet and talked for a little bit and it was definitely a difficult thing to absorb with all that was going on with school. It wasn't bad per say, but it was something I didn't feel I could give much thought too at that moment. But of course when I decided to study, my heart and mind decided to drift. I woke up the next morning (day before genetics test) barely prepared, but at peace about the whole situation that had unfolded the day before. I think the song " Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" played on loop for a few good hours. I woke up that Sunday sick and not feeling so great. So I started studying for genetics and as the day progressed, I started feeling worse, and being less able to absorb any of the information. I ended up semi-breaking down because I felt I had no one to relate to how busy and overworked I had been the last few weeks. I ended up calling my dad( something I think I did for 5-6 days in a row over this weekend) and talked for a little bit, he told me to take a break and go eat some food. As I got to the cafe I just had an attitude of wanting to be away from most people. I ended up running into two of the girls on my missions team last year. One of the girls had recently gotten news from the doctor that her feet( which had been through some ridiculous problems over the last year) were healed and in better health than any they had seen before. This was really encouraging to hear, but I still felt down and very reluctant to resume my studies. I ended up leaving with them and walking towards the library and I asked them if they would pray for me to feel better) I didn't feel much better, but I had peace that whatever happened would be ok. Whether I failed or passed, I was going to honor God with the opportunity I had. I decided to go to bed early and sleep 8 hours and wake up at 6 and start studying. Right before going to bed I thought about what I had had to drink throughout the day: 5 cups of coffee and one cup of water. Granit I was sick from a head cold, I made it a heck of a lot worse by dehydrating myself to a max. I drank four cups of water and went to sleep, woke up the next day in clarity and started studying till 2 and did well on my test. After all of that cluster cuss of a weekend, I'm convinced that no situation is too big or too crazy for God to take you through. It is so sweet to trust that Jesus will take you through. It will be difficult, but your attitude will change everything in such a crazy way. "Thankfulness in a situation doesn't change your circumstances, it just changes your attitude" "Do not be anxious about anything, but with prayer and petition with THANKFULNESS make your request made known to God."

So that's what God has been showing me about thankfulness, pride, and fear. Fun stuff. Stay humble because the second you think you are taking yourself through your problems is the second you will fall flat on your face.

In that day this song will be sung in the land of Judah:

            “We have a strong city;

                        he sets up salvation

                        as walls and bulwarks.

            Open the gates,

                        that the righteous nation that keeps faith may enter in.

            You keep him in perfect peace

                        whose mind is stayed on you,

                        because he trusts in you.

            Trust in the LORD forever,

                        for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.

Isaiah 26:1-4

Relax and Kickback

My Lord I pray with each new day

This crown from me you would take

I've passionately fought and hurried through

My own strength has dwindled, of this, there is proof

Do I have what is required, what it takes to wade deeper

On every front I watch it grow steeper

A crippling fear sets in, that is thrown away

I was not crafted to function this way

But through peace I see more eloquently

The love with which you've formed me

More than that I'm a gift already paid for

Hand wrapped and ready to wage war

But why Lord, was I placed about face

To confront the rubble filled path in my way

Because your grace is sufficient to strengthen me

Your power Christ, of this I have seen

Because my fear says that you are not enough

Which is a lie, I'm more than sure of

You've led me by still waters

You've strengthened me in times of need

Our story together, whether great or bad

You have shown me what I need

If

So I was in humanities class and we were talking about Rudyard Kipling and discussing his influence as a writer in the civilization he lived in. I don’t remember honestly where he came from, I didn’t really pay attention, but that is entirely beside the point. This conversation jogged my memory of reading Kipling in a book I’ve been reading in my free time “The Way of the Wild Heart” by John Eldredge. I guess the purpose of this post is to discuss what goes on in my brain when I read this poem.

“If you can keep your head when all about you

Are loosing theirs blaming it on you

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too”

These first four lines I think are essential for a man to hear. He talks about a man who holds strong against something that would break most men. I think most men daydream about being put into tough situations and coming out victorious which is why I love the 3^rd and 4^th lines. Trust in yourself when everyone disagrees, but don’t stop there. Make allowance for their doubting too. Put yourself in their position; don’t be closed off in a prideful attitude to what others think about you.

Micah 6:8 “He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk Humbly with your God”

 It sucks, pride is so sneaky and sometimes goes unnoticed. To me, one of the biggest enemies of pride is being vulnerable with my friends. As the proverbs says Iron sharpens Iron, if I can be open with them in my thoughts and actions, I know I’ll be challenged to think through stuff and if my actions prove to be from a motivation of pride, my hope is they will be found out.

“. . . Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating”

We’ve all lied, we’ve all hated, how to we respond when other’s lie to us or hate us?

As Christian’s were not supposed to respond in this manor. It is found biblically how God will deal with us if we won’t forgive our brothers for a small offence. We have a bigger offence towards God, but neither our brother’s offence towards us, nor our offence towards God end in revenge. I know I don’t easily let things go, but it is a humbling reminder to think of all of the things I’ve been forgiven of. The other day when I was running I stopped at a bench by the intercoastal and concluded the running portion of my evening. I was exhausted mentally, spiritually, and physically before I ran, but it was well-needed time with God. I began to thank him for every little thing in my life. My heart previously had been going through a lot of doubting and immediately I was reminded of all that God has done for me.

It is easy to hold on to little things and not even really notice it, but God is calling us to forgive and not function out of anger.

“You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

“If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:”

Can you image how Christ feels when we as Christians take part of his word and ignore other parts of it? I can only image the frustration when someone preaches about

What the author indicates is that people will take what you’ve said and put holes in it to fit their purpose. Maybe not intentionally but it still tends to happen. I think these few lines are my favorite out of the poem because it sparks my interest in the way we communicate. One phrase can be taken and communicated many different ways. When someone reciprocates what you’ve said to him or her, expect it to not be identical. Our words have to travel through so many different unseen barriers to be received. Now the author more hits on how people will take what you’ve said to spin it for their own purposes, but the above section is what flicks on in my mind when I read it.

The last two lines in accordance with the first two lines describe a resilient man who is seasoned. You may be able to keep your head about you, but at times your going to see the work you’ve done completely fail. Don’t stop at the first road bump, have confidence in yourself and your ability. Stay humble unless you want to face a whole side road of speed bumps. It is key that you “stoop and build ’em up” because it will build character, appreciation, and resilience.

“ If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them “ Hold on”!”

This section talks a lot about perseverance, which is key in a man’s life. Discipline to push through and to train to lean into God as your life and supply line.  It can be stretching if you’re in a position that you don’t enjoy all the time. I think it is naïve to think that no hardships can come in a season of life.  The second line of this portion is very meaningful to me. Part of the call to manhood that Kipling talks about is serving and persevering through the times when your heart isn’t necessarily in it. If in a marriage you weren’t feeling it that day and decided to dip out, it would reflect heavily on the boy that you are and your character. We are called to be committed, a man of our word, a steward of what we are given. You see the character of a man who works through his time of doubt and stays committed to God even when things are difficult.

And so when your pushed to the point where you feel like giving up, remember God is faithful. Remember the things in your life that he has taken you out of, the lessons he has taught you, the people he has put in your life to support you. There are so many things to be thankful for, and it is so incredibly easy to feel like you are on your own pushing through it all. So Hold on, God’s taking care of you. He sees value in you.

2 timothy 2:13-14

“Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you.”

“Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And- which is more- you’ll be a Man, my son!”

 Thanks for reading

Josh Gradwohl

passion, passivity, faithfulness

The progression of a man’s life is interesting in and of itself. I’m rereading the book way of the wild heart and the author explains the stages of a man’s life and the aspects of each. The interesting stage to me right now is the “warrior” stage. Basically the warrior is the time in a man’s life that he begins to recognize his passions and sets out to see them accomplished. This stage begins around late teens to early twenties. I would say for me personally my passions have been identified within the last year and a half of my life (since I’ve been in college).

            I would say some of the biggest passions God has put on my heart are community, lost identity, family, and the power of prayer. These have been put on my heart since being at PBA and I want to address the things that cause passivity to passions. Before this semester began my heart was on fire for these things and seeing them developed somewhere, but I hadn’t really faced situations like I was going to go up against.

Sadly one of the biggest problems in a young warrior as I’ve seen true in my own life, is that if Satan can’t keep you out of the battle completely, he will dog pile you once you’ve chosen to fight. This sucks, and it makes things way more stressful if you aren’t mindful of God’s hold in your life. The joy I’ve found this semester in recognizing God’s faithfulness through the most ridiculous situations has grown my faith in him exponentially. I’m every bit as busy as last semester, but I’m not afraid. I’ve been reawakened to the things that I am passionate about seeing and I’m ready to fight for them.

I think part of the beauty of God is shown through the difficult times when he reveals pieces of his character. By sharing the testimony of what God is doing in your life with other people, you allow for remembrance of God’s power in your own life and acknowledgement of his power to other people. (Both of which are encouraging)

 Let me clarify that this semester has not been peachy keen; it has been stressful, overwhelming, and gut wrenching at times. In no way is everything perfect all the time and butterfly happy candy land. Its been challenging mentally, physically, and spiritually, but in every low God has been there with me. He has never left; I remember one night I was laying in bed thinking there was no way I could get through a particular week. It’s funny to me how quickly God answered that spark of doubt. I picked up a devotional my pastor had given me and read the passage for that day. The whole thing was about the rest of God and that true rest is not exemption from struggles and hardship, but rest in the midst of battle. Right after this I got a text from another RA saying he could cover one of my shifts I had asked him to take last minute. Sounds like two little things happened in a short time, but to me they meant the world. God knew how much those two things would relax me and calm my spirit. Looking back on it, I laugh at myself for being brought low by such silly things, but I’m so glad God took me through that because it taught me so much about his faithfulness to us as Christians.

2 timothy 2:13 “If we are faithless; he remains faithful”

One of the biggest components to fighting apathy and passivity is to recognize that God is faithful. It is easy to skim over something as profound as that, so I challenge you to look back at times in your life when God has moved you or stirred a passion in you .He is the romancer of our soul; he knows what we need, when we need it. He knows that certain hardships will cause us to lean more into him and trust more that he will protect us throughout them.

One of the stories the author of this book talks about involves him going through a huge trial and just before it begins God speaks to him and says, “Give way to nothing”. He didn’t really know what this meant at the beginning of his trip, but knew exactly what it meant at the end. He was tested, pushed on every different front imaginable. I think this is why community is so big in my heart. Good community should refine passions and reduce passivity. The popularly quoted proverbs: Iron sharpens Iron hold true in fellowship.

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable to other people and reveal how you think, what you think about, your weaknesses, your strengths, and your passions, you begin to grow a lot. Seeing how God is faithful in other people’s lives can be extremely encouraging as well as seeing how much grace God has towards those that humble themselves and ask for forgiveness.

So fight, fight after the passions God has put in your life because Satan is fighting to stop you from doing anything. If you choose to do something with the passion God has given you, Satan will try to overwhelm you in to quitting, but remember that greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. God is a fortress, he’s waiting for you to calm down and realize that your ultimately safe inside the walls.

Proverbs “Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”

So being on a college campus everyone seems to have the mindset of relationships, dating, and marriage. It is a good desire to have, but much like any desire, if it consumes your thoughts, then it should be evaluated. Why do a lot of people desire relationships? Loneliness and selfishness come to mind when thinking about most high school to college relationships. Serving and loving are what come to mind when I think about what a relationship should be like.

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained” C.S. Lewis

This quote does a really good job at calling out selfishness and personal gratification as cancers to healthy relationships. It is better to lay naked with someone spiritually and emotionally before physically.

All this to briefly give an idea of what I think the foundations of a healthy relationship should be, but what is the way to pursue these things in a relationship in a Godly manor? In a manor that is ok with being counter culture if necessary?

I was talking with a friend earlier today about dating and one thing that came up was the first date. To clarify, this isn’t the first date post relationship; this is the first one on one interaction of two people. To summarize his question: how can you get to know someone and make a well educated decision as to whether you want to date them if you never spend time with them and get to know them as a friend.

What if going to coffee with someone, was just that.. going to coffee with someone. The pressure that is put on hanging out one on one with the opposite sex is huge.

As you grow in knowing another person, you learn more about their character, their walk with God, their strengths, weaknesses, and much more. You begin to trust them as a person, you respect what they think and their character, and you honestly get to see the way they are committed to their friends and how they interact with other people on a day-to-day basis (hopefully in a non-creeper way). My question is: why would you give your heart to someone you honestly barely know. You know they’re cute, charming, but you don’t really have that foundation of friendship if you rush things. Would you give your luggage to a total stranger in the airport? Would you accept luggage from a total stranger at the airport? Going from meeting someone to leaving all of your baggage with him or her is a dangerous means of beginning a relationship. 

So do we put to much pressure on hanging out with the opposite sex one on one? The answer is yes, just a lot of bit.

So to summarize what my friend and I talked about earlier today: It is ok to go out with someone to get to know him or her as a friend. Yes I think you should be mindful of the other person’s heart and as the guy I plan to be intentional in that area, but you are the caretaker of your own heart, being rooted in your identity as a Christian lets you know that you are a son or daughter in Christ and that your fulfillment is found ultimately in him and not in your feelings from a relationship. By living like this, you should take it to heart that the person your going out is not the means of gratification God has in store for you. There is a popularly quotes verse about being anxious that fits well here, and right after Jesus says to not be anxious, he say’s to set your mind after things of the Kingdom of God and all of these will be given to you as well. As you refine your mind through the difficult and easy things, you produce endurance, that produces character, and that produces Hope in the spirit of God who shows faithful to those who his.

So I guess this is a little bit of a call to change your perspective on going out one on one with a friend. The bible says to take your thoughts captive, don’t allow yourself to build up a friendship in your mind and race it all the way to marriage before you even hang out with the other person. In a way that is like taking the friendship God gave you and telling him “I’ve got it from here, I can lay out the rest of this story exactly how I want it to be” Enjoy getting to know other people, each Christian you meet holds characteristics of God that you might not have, appreciate, respect and be encouraged by them.