Proverbs “Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”

So being on a college campus everyone seems to have the mindset of relationships, dating, and marriage. It is a good desire to have, but much like any desire, if it consumes your thoughts, then it should be evaluated. Why do a lot of people desire relationships? Loneliness and selfishness come to mind when thinking about most high school to college relationships. Serving and loving are what come to mind when I think about what a relationship should be like.

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained” C.S. Lewis

This quote does a really good job at calling out selfishness and personal gratification as cancers to healthy relationships. It is better to lay naked with someone spiritually and emotionally before physically.

All this to briefly give an idea of what I think the foundations of a healthy relationship should be, but what is the way to pursue these things in a relationship in a Godly manor? In a manor that is ok with being counter culture if necessary?

I was talking with a friend earlier today about dating and one thing that came up was the first date. To clarify, this isn’t the first date post relationship; this is the first one on one interaction of two people. To summarize his question: how can you get to know someone and make a well educated decision as to whether you want to date them if you never spend time with them and get to know them as a friend.

What if going to coffee with someone, was just that.. going to coffee with someone. The pressure that is put on hanging out one on one with the opposite sex is huge.

As you grow in knowing another person, you learn more about their character, their walk with God, their strengths, weaknesses, and much more. You begin to trust them as a person, you respect what they think and their character, and you honestly get to see the way they are committed to their friends and how they interact with other people on a day-to-day basis (hopefully in a non-creeper way). My question is: why would you give your heart to someone you honestly barely know. You know they’re cute, charming, but you don’t really have that foundation of friendship if you rush things. Would you give your luggage to a total stranger in the airport? Would you accept luggage from a total stranger at the airport? Going from meeting someone to leaving all of your baggage with him or her is a dangerous means of beginning a relationship. 

So do we put to much pressure on hanging out with the opposite sex one on one? The answer is yes, just a lot of bit.

So to summarize what my friend and I talked about earlier today: It is ok to go out with someone to get to know him or her as a friend. Yes I think you should be mindful of the other person’s heart and as the guy I plan to be intentional in that area, but you are the caretaker of your own heart, being rooted in your identity as a Christian lets you know that you are a son or daughter in Christ and that your fulfillment is found ultimately in him and not in your feelings from a relationship. By living like this, you should take it to heart that the person your going out is not the means of gratification God has in store for you. There is a popularly quotes verse about being anxious that fits well here, and right after Jesus says to not be anxious, he say’s to set your mind after things of the Kingdom of God and all of these will be given to you as well. As you refine your mind through the difficult and easy things, you produce endurance, that produces character, and that produces Hope in the spirit of God who shows faithful to those who his.

So I guess this is a little bit of a call to change your perspective on going out one on one with a friend. The bible says to take your thoughts captive, don’t allow yourself to build up a friendship in your mind and race it all the way to marriage before you even hang out with the other person. In a way that is like taking the friendship God gave you and telling him “I’ve got it from here, I can lay out the rest of this story exactly how I want it to be” Enjoy getting to know other people, each Christian you meet holds characteristics of God that you might not have, appreciate, respect and be encouraged by them.